Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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