No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Randomize
