arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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