Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
