Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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