I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
