It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
