i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
