I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He felt like a one man threesome
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
