Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
