I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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