It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
