i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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