How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Randomize
