I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Sorry about my life...
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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