found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
