my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize