She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
