Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
