That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
