Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
