Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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