6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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