She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize