It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Someone shit on the floor
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
