he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
