Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
