I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
