Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
