im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
