Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
