I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
