All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
