I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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