So drunk its hurt
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
