hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
