omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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