Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize