The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
