When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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