How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
There's always time for handjobs
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
