we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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