My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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