I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
