If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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