My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
