the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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