You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize