Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
