I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize