she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
