we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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