I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
