He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Randomize
