I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I FOUND THE LEGS
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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