forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
