Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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