well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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