If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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