Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
