You smell like a Billy Joel song
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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