Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
