He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
PS: I just woke up from my shower
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize