a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
