I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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