I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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