He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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