??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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