You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
