He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
