i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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