I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
