I should be sponsored by Trojan
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
