The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
