It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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