I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I am puke
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
