people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
