She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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