She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
