Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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