so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
My ATM looks so different sober.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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