There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
