Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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