We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
