i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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