The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
