Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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