Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize