New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
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