Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize