I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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