I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
