Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize