I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
