You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
