pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize