now i know why i became what i already was.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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