Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
honey bunches of taint.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
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