Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
